The easiest explanation and most simplest definition of the word “EMPATHY” is it is the ability to understand and share the feelings of someone else.
A more definitive definition is it’s the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.
3 types of empathy
It’s late on a Friday night and you’re relaxing after a hectic week, reading your favorite book when your phone rings. It’s a close friend calling in a panic because she’s just lost her job. “Don’t worry, you’ll find another soon,” you say, “besides, you knew your company was having financial problems, didn’t you expect this? Why are you so upset now?” There’s a stunned silence on the other end of the line, followed by a dropped call. You did not show any empathy.
You thought you were trying to comfort her so what went wrong? Without first empathizing with her, and listening to her concerns, you might have done more harm than good.
Sincere empathy is the ability to understand another person’s thoughts and feelings in a situation from their point of view, rather than your own. It differs from sympathy, where one is moved by the thoughts and feelings of another but maintains an emotional distance.
The difference between sympathy and empathy is astutely portrayed in this clip from RSA Animate, that narrates an excerpt from Dr. Brene Brown’s TED talk on empathy. She explains that sympathy is to see someone in a deep hole, but remaining on higher ground and talking to them from above.
The sympathetic person may also try to simply put a silver lining on the other person’s situation instead of acknowledging the person’s pain. Conversely, empathy is feeling with the person, it’s climbing down the hole to sit beside them, making yourself vulnerable to sincerely connect with them. The empathetic person will recognize the person’s struggle without minimizing it.
The three components of empathy are Cognitive, Emotional and Compassionate.
•Cognitive: “Simply knowing how the other person feels and what they might be thinking. Sometimes called perspective-taking.”
If you imagine yourself in your friend’s shoes, you know she is likely to be feeling sad, as well as anxious because she relies on that income to pay her student loans. However, having only cognitive empathy keeps you at a distance from your friend. To truly connect with your friend, you need to share their feelings. This is where emotional empathy comes in.
•Emotional: “When you feel physically along with the other person, as though their emotions were contagious.”
This type of empathy can also extend to physical sensations, which is why we cringe when someone else stubs their toe.
Now that you’re totally connected with your friend in a cognitive and emotional way, and you’ve put yourself in a similar mental space, what’s next? Well, you can use the insights acquired from Cognitive and Emotional empathy to have Compassionate Empathy.
•Compassionate: “With this kind of empathy we not only understand a person’s predicament and feel with them, but are spontaneously moved to help, if needed.”
Putting it all together
Empathy doesn’t just happen naturally for many people. Our fast-paced society does not often encourage us to take a moment to connect with others. Outside of adhering to our spiritual dictates, it is otherwise a conscious choice we have to make, but the more we practice empathy, the more innate it becomes.